Losing absolutely everything I packed for my first solo expedition thousands of miles from home brought to the surface every fear in its worst possible form all at once. I had nothing to fall back on, everything I brought with me was gone and now I’d have to ask strangers for help when it is the last thing I wanted to do.
It forced me to take a deep breath, suck it up and do whatever needed to be done in order to be able to move forward. I was all alone so far from home and it was up to me to make this either the best or worst trip of my life.
The second I decided to work towards the former, everything changed.
Maybe it was that I didn’t know anyone or that because they were strangers it didn’t matter, but it was the first time in my life where I didn’t stop to inwardly obsess over my usual social anxieties. I could just be me in the simplest form and get to know people.
The more I did it – the more I was the first person to initiate a conversation or continue said conversation without over-analyzing what I said or didn’t say, the easier it got.
I had nothing, so I had nothing to lose.
Suddenly the voice that had lived in my mind the entirety of my life stopped criticizing me and trying to convince me I wasn’t good enough. I was more comfortable in my own skin than I had ever been before.
I felt peace, I felt radiant and most importantly, I felt ALIVE.
After so many years, I finally realized that this voice had always been there because I allowed it to be. And it was only through travel, through losing myself and finding inner peace, that I was able to take a deep breath and just live.
It showed me that I was stronger than I ever thought I was and more capable than I ever imagined I could be.